Mediterranean Cycopaths

Albania for Dummies

19th April 2007 

The Lonely Planet has used the phrase “shrouded in mystery” to describe the Albanian people. Here at Team Cycopath uncovering mysteries and educating the masses is considered part of a days work.  Thus without further ado I present to you “Multiple interesting things you probably didn’t already know about Albania” – possibly not to become a regular segment.

  • The vast majority of all vehicles in Albania are Mercedes Benzes. The vast majority of all Mercedes Benzes in Albania have been nicked
  • Vehicular presentation is extremely important in Albanian culture. A previous Albanian census revealed Car Washs (Lavazho) to outnumber both cars and people
  • Exceeding this, potholes in Albania outnumber car washs, cars, people, blades of grass and carbon atoms combined
  • Mother Theresa was Albanian
  • My mother – Theresa – is not Albanian
  • Albania’s 1960 exit from the Warsaw Pact and shift to a self-reliant defence policy has left the countryside littered with 750,000 concrete bunkers
  • The current Albanian population, most of whom were created in these spartan love-shacks, have re-named them “Bonkers”
  • Albania is widely regarded as posessing the best flag of a Balkan nation to depict a double-headed eagle – the Montenegrans hotly dispute this
  • The most ubiquitous beer in Albania is Fosters – of course – as Albanian as a barbie and a game of beach cricket
  • In the mid 1990’s an Albanian population, naive to the workings of a liberalised economy, plunged $US 2 billion into pyramid schemes. This collective absurdity led to the overnight loss of the equivalent of 80% of the country’s GDP and begs the question “Why do people keep sending me chain emails when there are 3.5 million potential Albanian recipents screaming out for dodgy promises and false hopes?”
  • In Albania, as in many Balkan nations, the Western system of nod and head shake to indicate yes and no is reversed – a situation that can cause significant consternation for the uniniated:

Jon Do you speak English?

Patsry Man Nods

Jon You do speak English?

Pastry Man Nods

Jon Will you speak English?

Pastry Man Nods

Jon Now?

Pastry Man Nods

At which point Jon storms out of pastry store muttering assertations about Pastry Man’s intellect and family circumstances.

I hope the above points have helped clear up most of the burning questions on Albania that I know needle our readership. Please direct any further enquiries, denouncements, refutations, arguments or complaints to either Michael or Jon who are more than happy to mop up any small details I may have overlooked in compiling this comprehensive body of work.



April 22, 2007 - Posted by | Uncategorized


  1. To all those yet to post a comment but love reading the boys site… get into it!!! Apparently they are getting over 100 visits a day. It would be great to hear what people think.

    Feel free to share a bit of dirt on the boys as well… There is a fair bit. Apparently Jon was told by a priest that to resolve all his sins he had to cycle a long way. Not sure if a lap of the Med will be far enough!!! The priest will probably have to cycle further!!!!

    Comment by More Banter... | April 26, 2007 | Reply

  2. Mrs Jon, Shane and Micheala,

    I ave sean yo ride through Levan. I am 8yo. Do yo fmal frind? I ave ulda siter n Split.

    Comment by Albanian | April 26, 2007 | Reply

  3. Try and keep it above the belt mate.

    Comment by Less Banter... | April 26, 2007 | Reply

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